I'm Only Sleeping
by Lennonion
Summary: An emotional Beatles oneshot.


Nearly every day, it rained on the small town of Liverpool, drenching all of the old hags' flower gardens and flooding the narrow streets. People scrambled in the streets to take shelter, some with umbrellas and some unfortunately stuck without. But something was different about today in particular. A dark, menacing cloud of depression hung over Paul's head, making it hard for him to get through the day. And the part that bugged the young lad the most was that he had no idea why he felt the way he did. He had just turned seventeen and was at that 'no man's land' point in his life. Paul's feelings were easily concealed and the logical half of his mind easily took over.. But why was he waging wars with himself?

He had to face it sooner or later.. But it wasn't something he liked to dwell on. Paul's life sucked. His mum had passed 3 years ago, his father was a drunken asshole, and his younger brother couldn't wipe his own ass let alone fend for himself. The only good thing that had happened to Paul in the last couple of years was music. Music was his escape, and it completed him in a way. Still, there was a big gap that was left unfilled. It hadn't occurred to him until this stormy day that he was suffering a severe case of loneliness.

Paul knew that he could hook up with anyone, but his heart-throbbing, lust-filled teenage years were coming to a close. His wish was to settle down and love somebody truly. This wish had already technically come true, but it was impossible. They say that there's a time and a place for everything, and Liverpool in the early 1960s was _not_ it, by any means. He picked up the telephone and began to punch the first couple of numbers into it, and before the contraption could even make a sound, he abruptly hung it up. _You should just tell him.. After all, you've been in love for nearly three whole years. Just fess up. _Paul's feelings tried to tell him what to do.

_No.. Are you bloody crazy? It's not worth all the anguish. Your father would murder you if he found out._ His logic battled with his emotions, causing a mental bloodbath. Maybe his logic was right. Hot tears began to well in his eyes, stinging the doe-like orbs. Before he knew it, he was sobbing softly into his pillow, leaving a huge wet stain. "I'm gonna lose it," He muttered, slowly getting up and heading towards the kitchen. His body trembled as his bare feet collided with the cold linoleum. The frantic boy stopped in front of the big window that displayed the driveway, making sure no one was home. _Good. This'll be quick and painless, then. No explaining to do and no big scene._

He ran up to the bathroom and tossed everything out of the medicine cabinet, one by one, shaking as he did so. Paul found a container of sleeping pills that his father used on rare occasions when he wasn't drunk, and scoffed at the thought of his family. Without even thinking, he grabbed a handful and popped them all into his mouth. After the pills were all down and in his system, an uneasy wave of silence swept over the house. Dead silence. Until that oh-so-familiar tapping noise came at his bedroom window across the hallway. He tried his best to walk over to the window to see his love one last time, but he collapsed on the floor. Thunder and lightning struck and the lights went out all at once.

"Paul? Stop playin' games with me, ya daft git!" The familiar raspy voice yelled into the window. "Ow... J-John.." Paul cried almost inaudibly. "In a minute it's gonna start pouring and I'm going to be shit out of luck." John growled, his fingernails clattering against the window. The younger boy did not reply. He stayed completely frozen on the floor in the fetal position. "Paul? I'm coming in there.."

He rushed into the dark house and nearly stumbled over the unkempt pile of clothes on the floor. He ran towards his best friend, footsteps echoing through the empty area. "Macca.. What the bloody 'ell happened?" John smacked his face lightly. He didn't respond. "Paul! Answer me.." He yelled. John scrambled towards the bathroom and saw the empty pill bottle and disgrace Paul had left in the dim light. "O-Ohh.. No.."

By that point, John was nearly in tears. He'd lost his mum like his best friend.. But the thought of losing Macca never occurred to him. He never realized how much he loved him. John took the lad's wrist in his hand and searched for a pulse, but there was close to nothing. "I'm too late.." They'd kept their feelings secret for years, and if Paul was gone forever, he wanted everyone to know how they really felt about each other. _"Why?"_ He screamed.

He grabbed the remaining couple of pills and swallowed them immediately. "I'm comin' with ya.." He planted one last kiss on the boy's tender lips and ran his fingertips across his cheek one last time. He wrapped his arms around Paul's side and held him tight, as if he never wanted to let him go. "I love you.." John seemed to mutter for eternity, until he finally went peacefully in his love's arms.


End file.
